~ New Blog Site ~

Hello!

I'm moving the Keeper's Crusade to this place:

The Keeper's Crusade

Ya know. Just to change it up a bit. I like the simplicity of Wordpress, and I've heard some really great stuff about it, so I decided to finally make the switch.

This one will be left alone with all the old posts, but new posts will go on the new site.
Thanks guys!

~ Covered ~

This year, I have taken to printing out quotes and charts and things and taping them to my walls. It started with movie tickets (even dating back to "Herbie: Fully Loaded," "The Polar Express," and "Princess Diaries 2"), but eventually evolved into quotes I enjoy or charts of other languages. On the doors there are stickers from the days of Lego League, drawings I sketched for fun that turned out better than I thought they would, and a few songs that mean more than they should. 

The walls themselves are covered in posters of movies and games, quotes and Bible verses, and the occasional Mumford and Sons lyric. There's a canvas photo of ships harboured, and a calendar whose first few months are filled with daily quotes from what happened that day. Directly across there's a bulletin board, with graduation pictures of good friends and a newspaper clipping. On another whiteboard, the symbols and runes that I understand, because I've read the book, or seen the movies, or beat the game. 

One day my brother asked why I have completely covered my walls with seemingly useless quotes from Manfred and a poem by Dylan Thomas. 

I told him that my room is the only place where I can take what's in my mind and splash it all over the walls. It's the only place I can write everything down and draw every picture and tell every story. I won't stop until I can't see the color of the walls through the color of the ink behind the tape. 

~ On Today's Literature (those teens on the web) ~

Some of them write so beautifully. They find places like deviantart.com and tublr to post their work on. "Who needs publishers anymore?" They don't see it as "works of art" either: just as thoughts. Truth is, we don't know what this "movement" will be called in the future. Post-apocolyptic? Post-post-modern? New Age? What?!

Just because we're not published doesn't mean we're not good.

Here are some of today's young people, writing deep, meaningful things that aren't expected of them, as encouragement that we can do more than expectations allow.

Untitled

There's a certain way people use words.

We've all felt it. Perhaps we haven't accomplished it, but we've experienced it.

Something in the way it reads, something in the words and how they're meshed.

It can start your heart going, give you hope.

Sometimes it's in the way someone did the music in a movie.

Sometimes it's that youtube video that you walked away from, changed.

People use it to get money, popularity, sympathy…you name it.

But when someone, somewhere out there in our gigantic world, whom we've never met, seen, or heard of, writes or videos something we can't ignore. . .

You can Facebook it, Tweet it, Pin it, Share it, Like it, Follow it, Subscribe to it, you can do whatever you like.

There's hope for our generation.

Not in memes, games, quotes, music, pictures, sayings, people, stars, celebrities, movies, pop-culture. . .

In us.

"We are the target market.

We set the corporate target.

But, we are slaves of what we want. " – Switchfoot

What are we doing to ourselves?

Sitting here, doing nothing, learning nothing, talking about nothing, fighting and debating about nothing, voicing our opinions about nothing, buying nothing, selling nothing, convincing people that nothing is worth your time.

Nothing is worth your time.

None of it.

I can't tell you this and have you believe it. You have to choose to believe it. You know it deep inside yourself.

Wasted lives.

Whispers come every time you click the screen, with every video you watch. Another 5 minutes, another 10. One more episode. One more fandom.

Leave a comment. Share your thoughts. "What's on your mind?" Update your status. Log in. Sign up.

They command us.

We are slaves of what we want.

There is hope for our generation.

We could be so much more than this.

So much more than internet sensations.

We just have to want it.

~ Anonymous



Black Prisms


They're dying

The living are choosing
Dying

They have forgotten
That they are living

So they die

They don't even see
The others who are dying

For they are
Obsessed with their own deaths
That they

Don't

Even

See

So they've died then.
Blind to their own prisms.

When will they live?

~ Blaise Cornell

Drip

I hear the water dripping
And I think I can relate
My mind is floating away
Drop by drop by drop

And I think I can relate
As the ripples flow further
Drop by drop by drop
I slowly slip away

And I think I can relate
My mind is flowing away
As the ripples flow further
I hear the water dripping

~taztazhi on deviantart

Each have meanings behind them that truly only the author can understand. Others can only guess, trying to understand. Some things are easy, some are more difficult, but they are each in their own way interpretable.

They draw and write and create these beautiful things; I read them! I look at them! I see them and they are wonderfully beautiful!
Not comparing you to Shakespeare.
Not comparing you to Van Gogh.
Not comparing you to anyone else in the whole history of the world, not even your friends.
God gave you this mind that you pull apart in so many ways to invent whatever you like.
Imagination is one of the greatest of the gifts.
Why does our generation, our society imagine everything for us?

Just a thought.
~ Kendall

~ Impossibility ~

Upon starting school again, I've re-realized just how incredibly lost the world is. The words these authors write in these history books. . . are not truth. They're not the truth I know as fact in the deepest part of me.

We were formed from dust,
In perfect, unspoiled life,
and then we, in our own selfish desires,
died; we fell into the temptation of sin.

But God, rich in mercy, made us alive through the death of his Son.

Alive through death.

No news is greater than this. Nothing is better. Nothing will endure longer than the story of Jesus Christ.
Nothing is more impossible.
And that's why the whole world tries to put it out of their minds. They throw away their Bibles or leave them untouched on the shelf. They persecute the Christian. They can't fathom what, who, or why.

One day, they will understand, and we keep that day in mind as we pray for and pursue the lost in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, and our Savior.

~ On Trying to Slow Down ~

Wow. When was the last time I sat down and wrote? Much less wrote a blog post? Summer has flown by, as it usually does. There's something about sitting and thinking; something you can't get any other way. There was something about sitting in the sand listening to the waves, something about sitting in that car on the way to Orlando with my headphones on, something about watching the clouds move on that farm in the middle of nowhere, something in those sick days in my bed reading. I can't place it, yet, it wasn't anything new.
We've had new friends, new memories, new music, new adventures, new discoveries, new canoes and paddle boards, new school books, new backpacks and pencils, new jobs, new shoes, new amazing British Television, new everything. But it always gets back to that aura around being quiet. That atmosphere surrounding the silence of the fan going in circles and the lightbulbs in the lamps providing white noise. The rumbling down the road at 75 miles an hour all across the South. Music takes on a whole new depth when it's all you focus on; it becomes your heartbeat, your thoughts, and you believe it with all you are until the car stops and you turn it down.
I won't forget those long days inside while everyone else was out, just watching and fighting my own demons. I know them too well: selfishness, irritability, pride, et cetra.
I had felt left behind, by everything. Nana left us for heaven, I missed Mexico, missed Poland, missed a lot of things when I got Pneumonia. It was so hard to simply watch. But God has taught me so much, and given me so many fun days this summer. So, so many good things. My faith is built through these "circumstances."

Well, life is picking up the pace again.

~ Kendall

~ On Memories ~

It's been so long. But it feels like yesterday. Everything has changed, yet nothing is different. When I think about 2012 and 2013, I can not compare the two. They have each been so full. Full of everything I suppose. New friends, old friends, new music, music that brings back memories, confusion and peril, happiness and contentment, love and hurt, days and nights of summer bliss. Busyness, business. 

God is faithful. I rest in Him. Through sunshine and rain. Through love and pain. 

He is the same. 

Some days I wonder if I could've changed the way things are: If I could've helped or if I could've avoided change. But it's all part of the plan. Not my plan. Thank God it's not my plan. 

I wonder if people miss me when I go. I wonder if friends hold on to memories or if they forget. All I know is that I hold on to every memory I can find, and keep it there. Some memories are clearer than others, but each one is important. What about the things I'd rather forget? I still hold on to those to learn from them. Even if they're embarrassing or it hurts to think back, I must hold on to it. God puts each and every feeling and experience in my life for a reason, and I can't bear forgetting. I do too often forget. 

Forget what I've learned. 

Forget how steadfast The Lord is and become fearful and doubt. 

Forget how much something meant to me. 

Get so caught up in unimportant things that I forget to spend time on the most important thing: a relationship with God. 

But, sometimes I feel like it's best to make new memories instead of dwell on the old ones. 

So let's go out and make some memories. 

Posted from my iPhone. 

~ On Being Transferred ~

Whew. What a month. Praise God.
May has been one of the craziest, packed full, insane, spirit filled months of my entire life here on earth. I can't even begin to write about it, and I'll admit it; I have been putting it off. Writing has seemed for the past month like something I don't have enough time to sit down and do. But this morning is so calm. I'm in my own house, in my own room, reading my own Bible, singing my own songs, and writing. Life hasn't felt this good in a very long time. The Lord brought peace again, like He never fails to do.



I would write about what Transfer was like and how all the messages were so great and the worship...maybe another time. But oh, summer brings great things, and I'm sure of it. At this point, staying home from everything is a very, very great thing. Being able to play outside in our backyard is a very great thing. Reading to Ryan, showing him the magic of Narnia and Harry Potter, that is a great thing. Reviewing notes and re-reading passages of scripture, jumping on the trampoline late at night, getting together volleyball and soccer games...that's what's in store for my summer. I don't know where the Lord wants me to be as far as mission trips go, but for now, before everything is worked out, I will make home my mission, along with joining the work-place for the first time. I will try to make pouring into my friends my mission: encouraging them in the gospel.

~ Short, short-story ~

I wrote this the other day, and thought I'd put it on here.

She tried and tried, but her heart just wasn't in it that day. Her sketches were as bland as the words on the page. When she wasn't drawing, she was writing, and when she couldn't write, she drew, and when she couldn't draw, she wrote. Both were particularly unhelpful tonight. Maybe it was the weather: dreary, rainy, depressing, and probably smothering her creative outlook.
"Maybe tracing would be easier," she thought. The lines weren't straight.
"Perhaps writing a song would work." The lines didn't rhyme.
Things just were not going well on that rainy night in the city. All she could hear were the raindrops on the avenues, highways, and back alleys, the knick knacks on her counter rattling with the thunder, and the round lanterns (imported straight from Japan and China) blowing back and forth under her ceiling fan.
"Reading?" she asked herself. "No, still too much to do."
Yet here she sat, blankly staring at a screen that was no more helpful than the rain outside. Papers were scattered around her chair, filled with either the first chapters of a novel (which would have been supremely popular over every other in her time), or the beginnings of a sketch of a girl or a boy, doing something or other depending on their expressions.
"I just need to step back."
The digital-green clock read "1:00AM" but that was the usual for her. The streets were still busy in the city: so was she. Or at least, she was trying to be busy. She was trying very hard to be busy. But, artist's and writer's block had finally forced her outside onto her little apartment's "back porch." The lines of the city were blurred without her glasses, but she wasn't about to put them back on. The rain felt too nice on her discouraged face. She took a deep breath, and the refreshing moment was spoiled by the inhalation of exhaust from the cars, taxis, and trucks below. They looked like little blurs too.
Suddenly, a burst on inspiration hit her. She ran back inside without drying her hair or her face and sat down on the floor. Ravenously, she grabbed a piece of drawn on paper and found a blank space. She sat for at least an hour trying to get it right, occasionally going outside and coming back in, looking out the windows, and taking her glasses on and off.
The result was amazing, with or without glasses! She didn't sleep that night, but she wrote a short paragraph for her sketch, showered, dressed, and drove down to the Agency at "6:00AM," according to the clock.
They loved it, all of it, and the next day it was up on a billboard, sponsoring some perfume they had named after it: "The Raining City."

For us. For all the girls who are doing something or other, hitting blank pages and spacing out. Sometimes we have to blur the lines to see them.

~ So Close ~

How to begin?



April has been it's own month this year. Feels like every other month was a month of nostalgia. Or at least, I made it one in my head. My thoughts have been pouring forward in stead of backward. Sometimes this is good, and sometimes not, but I guess that strongly depends on what your future and past look like. Things seem to fly past without warning, and then come back to you later.
Your siblings got taller last night.
April 2013 is 4 days from being over.
The trees have leaves for the first time since early October.
We hardly have any 30 degree days anymore.
3 weeks of school.
3 weeks until summer.
3 weeks until graduation.

Some hate it, and some are counting down the minutes. I'm in the middle.

I remember telling a friend one night, "only 142 days until Transfer!" She made this disappointed face, but I was happy. It was so far, but it was something to look forward to. Now I check my countdown calendar and see only 28 days, 15 hours, and 37 minutes. That will probably have changed by the time I post this. It's not far. (Transfer is like the start of my summer) It's so close.
Yet it won't be the same. It's not Advance in the woods where we made all those memories. But I think it will be good. Great. Awesome.
I like to think of it this way:
We're not holding on to letting go, but letting go of holding on.

Even still, I'm not really going to try to forget. I'm just going to not to only remember all of the time.
It was too good to forget.



But, the best memories are the ones that we still haven't made yet.

~ Untitled I ~

Peace.



Peace in a world of people who are fired up. People who want something to love or something to hate. The people in our town seemed to continually get wound up at every football or basketball game, even when we're having an awful season and loose almost every game like we did last year. They stomp their feet, clap their hands, and scream. It seems to me though, that maybe even the very same people can give up on God, if their life isn't what they want it to be. They don't keep coming to church like they come to games. They don't boo and hiss at sin when it scores or gains the upper hand. They don't fight it. The band doesn't play and march for the grace of God. People just don't get excited about God. And you know, I wish they did. At our church sometimes we get excited, we get super pumped at advance especially. Our group may be smaller than Neyland stadium at Horn's Creek, but we generate more energy and passion there than on Superbowl Sunday. I miss it there. Things aren't the same at home as they are there.



I can sit in my little room and read my little books, be a little bit different from everybody else. I can be in the middle. But what difference does it really make? I mean, truly? This Easter week, I want to think a little differently. I remember back when it was easy to feel things deeper than the surface, when I didn't have to fight to get inside my own heart. It's come to the point where I'd rather sit back and not think.

But, there's a strange peacefulness. A quiet in my heart. My God has taken my insecurities and turned them around, so that I can find safety in him.
I'll admit, I am scared. The future seems so uncertain. I don't know what's going to happen or when, and I'll admit, it's sublime. Beautiful and Terrible. It fills me with wonder and scares me to death.

At times like these I remember Proverbs 31:25,

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future."

My good friends help me with this. I can laugh without fear of the future because my future is secured. Whatever happens will happen for the best.



I'm fine.
God is good.
It is well with my soul.
There is nothing new under the sun.

~ Breath Deep, Listen Close ~

Ah, spring. It went "there and back again." I never truly enjoyed spring, except for the Bradford Pear trees. But, I think that after that incredibly long winter, I am happy that it's back. Spring (to me anyway) was always sort of a bleak time of year: faded pastel colors and a light, baby blue sky, with white and yellow flowers everywhere. Ew.



I do have to say though, this year has been a bit different so far. I've missed having the windows down. I've missed breathing the fresh, chill air that I swear comes straight off the mountains down to our town. It's a season of life. It's a season of making new memories, whereas my winter was spent reflecting on the old ones.



The leaves are finally back on the trees, so breathe deep. Listen closely.



I have this little "tradition" I started at age 10 or 11. Every year on the 17th of March, I go out and take pictures of all the flowers, just because. These are the pictures from yesterday.

It feels fresh and new. It feels right, like this is New Year's Day, and January first was really an extra month of last year. February happened. March cleans the slate.

I don't know how to transition from that into a Psalm I want to share, so I'm just going to type it up anyway.

Psalm 69: 34-36
Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in them. For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of his servants shall inherit it, and those who love his name shall dwell in it.

And that comes after the beginning of Psalm 69, which is the Psalmist crying out to God for help, asking him to show himself again so that he could build his faith. "For the waters have come up to my neck," he says in desperation. How inspiring are the last few verses, right?

Anyway.

~ Turning Back & Looking On ~

Hey.
I've been aware lately of just how epic my friends are. I cannot tell you guys how incredibly thankful I am for all of you. We've had some good times. But you know, the best is yet to come.

I've been super reflective lately of past times, what they meant, and how they felt. But, it's the moment at hand that I should be thinking of, not what has passed.

The other night, Ryan came in my room and slept in my bed for a while. I read Harry Potter to him. I realized how big he's gotten. I recognized his cute little interjections about the story and all of the "what if this happened" ideas. Oh, I want so badly for him to stay 7 years old forever, but he's already 8, and the days fly past faster than I can get all my work done. I feel like there's not enough time in the day for me to get everything done. And yet here I sit, writing a blog post with a paragraph in a reflection paper left and dinner to help prepare. I want to pray for more moments like that with Ryan. I'll be gone all day tomorrow; I swear I will never understand how public-schoolers manage. ;)



But, there's a purpose things are how they are, and you know how it is. :) I want to let go and live the life laid before me with dignity and strength, and laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).

So that's it then.



It's all part of the plan.

~ Overwhelming Holiness ~

I went through a small revolution last night. It was as if I'd forgotten for a moment just how Holy God is, and suddenly remembered. It was moving to say the least.
I'd like you guys to listen to this song by Tricia Brock (The lead singer for Superchick) and just think on it for a minute.

(You don't have to watch the video, it was the best I could find. Just a slideshow.)

"Overwhelmed" - Tricia Brock

Your tenderness is moving, You refresh my soul
With words of pristine water
That bathe and make me whole
Your holiness is burning through my very soul
Your words consume like fire
I'm purified like gold

I'm overwhelmed by You, Your sovereign majesty,
I'm captured in the passion of a Holy King
And I've been reconciled to the Son of Peace
I belong to You, You belong to me.

Your authority is comfort
It brings me to my knees
A noble God of justice, You give mercy's peace
Forgiveness is humbling; it makes my life bow
Beneath the oak of friendship I lay my burden down.

I'm overwhelmed by You, Your sovereign majesty,
I'm captured in the passion of a Holy King
And I've been reconciled to the Son of Peace
I belong to You, You belong to me.

You are my future, You are my hope
My one desire, my forever love
You are my future, You are my hope
My one desire, my forever love

I'm overwhelmed by You, Your sovereign majesty
I'm captured in the passion of a Holy King
And I've been reconciled to the Son of Peace
I belong to You, You belong to me.

I like that song. And suddenly I've run out of words to write.



Have a great day! (Happy Presidents Day by the way...)

~ Desiring God's Plan On Valentine's Day ~

Caution...this post is slightly awkward, but it gets better.

So. Valentine's Day approaches. I don't hate writing about love, but I do hate writing about what teens think is love. So never mind that. Right now, we're going through John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life. I just thought, since it being this time of year and everything, I should try to use even just the title to relate. Here's my attempt:

I don't want to waste my life simply waiting. I don't want to waste it trying to rush things either. When it comes to love (or anything for that matter), all I want to do is walk out God's plan for me, and not even try to make my own plans. I don't want to waste my life telling myself that there's someone for me out there when there isn't. Mrs. March (the mother of four girls from Louisa May Alcott's Little Women) puts it perfectly:

"To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman, and I sincerely hope my girls may know this beautiful experience. It is natural to think of it. . . right to hope and wait for it, and wise to prepare for it, so that when the happy time comes, you may feel ready for the duties and worthy of the joy. . .Leave these things to time. Make this home happy, so that you may be fit for homes of your own, if they are offered you, and contented here if they are not."

Think of it like this:
If God has a plan for me to get married, I'd run to that.
If his plan is for me to be a missionary, I'd run to that.
If his plan for me is to have a career for myself, I'd run to that.
If his plan is for me to be a stay at home mom, I'd run to that.
But, what if his plan for me is singleness? Would I run to that?
What if it's pain and suffering? What about that?
What if it's an early death, having a husband who leaves, or constantly having a broken heart? What then?

Like Peter in Matthew, I want to say, "Yes! I'd run to that! I'd even run to death if it were for Jesus!"
But, Peter denied him. His closest friend. Not once, but three times.
I know that I am only human, and deep in my heart I want so badly to shy away from suffering. I want to flee from pain. My heart says it can only stand so much before it breaks, but I forget; I have God on my side. He has a plan for me. If it were any of these things, it's perfect.

If I die early, it's perfect.
If I suffer through pain and get hurt, it's perfect.

I want to run to what's next, without missing what is.
I want to savor the joy and fellowship right now before it's gone, or at least changes again.
I don't want to loose hope either. Hope for something great.
I don't want to depend on the future for happiness, because the future is so entirely uncertain, that it hasn't even been lived yet. (Sounds silly, I know.)

(Okay, tangent: how cute are they, right?!?!?)

Nobody has ever lived my life before. I am the first.
I am so thankful that I have a guide who shows me the way instead of me floundering around for some path to follow.
I have a written map that literally tells me exactly how to act. I cannot follow it all the time, because I am human, but it's there, and it's encouraging every time I pick it up.
And the best part is, this Guide knows my every need, my every desire, and my every pitfall.
I want to follow him first in all things, including my feelings.

I'm not very good at conclusions, and I never have been. But, there is this:

Romans 5:3-5
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

~ And So, We Continue On ~

Oh my. What a sobering week. And yet, I honestly haven't felt this happy in a very long time. My friends and I are getting deeper in our biblical fellowship, and wouldn't you know it, we're all getting older. I know I post about age and time and days all the time, and most of it is nostalgic for the old times, but turning your head to the future can be just as exciting, only in a different way.

Brianna, you are such a pretty girl. But - thought it is admirable - it's not what I admire about you. Your heart for the Lord is. You're so encouraging and we've become so close over the past few years. I hope the fact that you are graduating doesn't mean that we won't be as close, but that it will only bring us closer to each other and to the Lord in our studies.

Hannah, the same goes to you, girl. You're 15, which is crazy to me. You can listen to that Taylor Swift song. You're going to drive! We have grown so close, especially since Advance, and I hope that 2013 only brings us closer.

I love you both so much, and you've been like sisters to me, which means so much, because I don't have any. :)

And so, we continue on. Going about our business. Talking, texting, planning, scheduling, trying to keep a regular agenda, but I have one prayer.

Lord, interrupt my plans! Take control of my day and show me what it means to truly obey. Obedience is only true obedience when it's hard to do.

I like regular things. Constant things. Not exactly the same every day, for that would drive me insane, but the same basic principles each day. As I have said many times before, change is always hard, but now I find myself longing for it. Not longing for change exactly, but something clearly and truly from God each day. Not a day goes by where I don't want to hear his voice again.

I cannot simply go back into the haze of days going by without anything significant in each and every one, because - as I have come to realize - each one is so precious. It's a gift, not to be taken for granted.

I hope you guys have a great day.
(Even though the snow and ice might totally mess up your epic plans. :/ Hey, maybe it was providence. ;) )

~ Dependence ~

I was having a hard day yesterday. Things just weren't going the way I wanted them to go. I tried listening to music, which usually lifts my spirits if it's encouraging, but it didn't help. The steady flow of music pumping through my headphones wasn't doing its job, and I simply could not be helped. At least, that's what it felt like. But then, I heard a voice inside my heart (it literally felt like it was emanating from my heart) say, "Stop the music."
"No," I argued, "It's going to help me."
Again, "Stop the music."
I fought the voice 3 or 4 more times, until, in agony, I yanked the headphones from my ears. My mind went blank, and all I could hear was myself breathing. Everything was silent, but only for a moment, because then, the voice said, "I give you those breaths."
Suddenly, everything was clear. Everything in me shouted, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Because I had just realized I was arguing with my God.
And then, "You are forgiven."
The unbelievable feeling that came after that...it was indescribable. I was awestruck, and humbled, and felt energy surge through me.
God has never spoken that clearly to me before.
Of course, after that, I was completely encouraged, because that was all I needed to hear, and God knew that.
Every breath I breathe, it's a gift. I don't want to ever forget that moment. It was truly amazing.

This world.
These days.
Sometimes it brings us down, doesn't it?
Sometimes we, being the inexperienced teens we are, get hurt in this life.
We fall, we fail...and we are incapable of picking ourselves up again.
I can't decide to read my Bible and get an encouragement boost.
I can't decide to pray and be filled with joy.
I can't even decide to humble myself.
It's not me.
Whenever I feel uplifted,
whenever I feel joy,
whenever I feel humble, happy, or well within my soul,
It is not me.
I feel it inside of myself, but was it I who put it there?
Was I the one who instigated joy inside my heart?
Am I even capable of feeling happy apart from God?
No way!
I am dependent on God for everything.

Whenever I breathe,
It's not me!

~ Welcome to the New Age ~

Ah, sweet fresh air. Sweet newness of hope. "The New Year is out here..." in the words of Owl City. It feels so innocent right now. It feels so pure, right now.
Big news!! As most of you know, our youth group Relay is not having Advance this year, which, as my friends pointed out, is rather disappointing, especially because last year had such a wonderful effect. However, this year, we have the privilege to participate in a conference held in Orlando, Florida, called Transfer
which should be super epic. (click the word "Transfer" to go to the website and check it out!)
Wow. God is so gracious to allow the cost of taking our youth group to Orlando to end up being the same as going an hour down the road to Horn's Creek, North Carolina. I recognize the fear that things won't be the same here, but I think God has our group heading here for a specific reason, otherwise he won't allow it to happen. I, personally, have never been more excited about a youth retreat in my entire life. And May is just around the corner! One semester left...

I didn't know it yet, but by the end of 2012, I was in need of a fresh start. I know January 1 is just another day, but to me it isn't. It symbolizes the start of something new. I'm that much closer to being home at last. 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months...1 whole year closer to going home. That much closer to finally having a real, proper place where I was meant to be. Don't get me wrong, I am here for a purpose and have a place in this world somewhere, but it's a fleeting breath. It's temporary, and I long for permanent things, as I have come to find out.
It's hard to truly live by faith. As I turn around and look at the past few years I see my own struggles of trying to rely solely upon God. I catch myself so often, when things are going great, relying on myself to keep them going great. I try to control everything that I do (and sometimes what others do) to keep things exactly the way they are. And, when 2013 hit, I looked back and saw my failed effort to keep everything that was exactly as it was, and felt terrible. Change came slowly, but it came, and I couldn't stop it. Instead of accepting God's gentle change in my life I shouted "No no no! I don't want things to change, they were perfect!" But, now I see. Things that He does are for my best. There's a season for everything, and the season of 2012 is over, but things can only get better! I have lived another year! We're that much closer to getting home! Why am I sad that things changed? Why am I discouraged that things will never be the same? I personally am finding out that I hate changes that I do not initiate or dictate.

But, they came softly. They were gently broken in. Not many people have that privilege. God knows my heart, and that is the best thing I could wish for. He knows exactly what I feel and why, and understands me even when I can't understand myself. 2012 taught me that feelings don't need names or descriptions, because sometimes words that humans have invented just do not suffice. It taught me what true friends look like, and how true friends act. It taught me not to think to hard about anything, because my mind - despite my desperate efforts - will twist good things into something else. It taught me that taking things with a grain of salt is a good thing, but it certainly changes the way things taste, and "with too much salt you must double the rest" (according to my cooking instructor). It taught me a million other things that I don't have time to list right now, and I just thought of a hundred more.

In closing, I am thankful. Extremely so. The New Year (or, rather, God) has cleared my muddled thoughts, cleansed my confused heart, and quieted my soul once again.
I am thankful for the peace inside me right now.
I am thankful for wonderful friends like you guys.

So thanks. :)

P.S. Sorry for all the random pictures, I know they're random....heh.