~ Dependence ~

I was having a hard day yesterday. Things just weren't going the way I wanted them to go. I tried listening to music, which usually lifts my spirits if it's encouraging, but it didn't help. The steady flow of music pumping through my headphones wasn't doing its job, and I simply could not be helped. At least, that's what it felt like. But then, I heard a voice inside my heart (it literally felt like it was emanating from my heart) say, "Stop the music."
"No," I argued, "It's going to help me."
Again, "Stop the music."
I fought the voice 3 or 4 more times, until, in agony, I yanked the headphones from my ears. My mind went blank, and all I could hear was myself breathing. Everything was silent, but only for a moment, because then, the voice said, "I give you those breaths."
Suddenly, everything was clear. Everything in me shouted, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Because I had just realized I was arguing with my God.
And then, "You are forgiven."
The unbelievable feeling that came after that...it was indescribable. I was awestruck, and humbled, and felt energy surge through me.
God has never spoken that clearly to me before.
Of course, after that, I was completely encouraged, because that was all I needed to hear, and God knew that.
Every breath I breathe, it's a gift. I don't want to ever forget that moment. It was truly amazing.

This world.
These days.
Sometimes it brings us down, doesn't it?
Sometimes we, being the inexperienced teens we are, get hurt in this life.
We fall, we fail...and we are incapable of picking ourselves up again.
I can't decide to read my Bible and get an encouragement boost.
I can't decide to pray and be filled with joy.
I can't even decide to humble myself.
It's not me.
Whenever I feel uplifted,
whenever I feel joy,
whenever I feel humble, happy, or well within my soul,
It is not me.
I feel it inside of myself, but was it I who put it there?
Was I the one who instigated joy inside my heart?
Am I even capable of feeling happy apart from God?
No way!
I am dependent on God for everything.

Whenever I breathe,
It's not me!