~ Untitled I ~

Peace.



Peace in a world of people who are fired up. People who want something to love or something to hate. The people in our town seemed to continually get wound up at every football or basketball game, even when we're having an awful season and loose almost every game like we did last year. They stomp their feet, clap their hands, and scream. It seems to me though, that maybe even the very same people can give up on God, if their life isn't what they want it to be. They don't keep coming to church like they come to games. They don't boo and hiss at sin when it scores or gains the upper hand. They don't fight it. The band doesn't play and march for the grace of God. People just don't get excited about God. And you know, I wish they did. At our church sometimes we get excited, we get super pumped at advance especially. Our group may be smaller than Neyland stadium at Horn's Creek, but we generate more energy and passion there than on Superbowl Sunday. I miss it there. Things aren't the same at home as they are there.



I can sit in my little room and read my little books, be a little bit different from everybody else. I can be in the middle. But what difference does it really make? I mean, truly? This Easter week, I want to think a little differently. I remember back when it was easy to feel things deeper than the surface, when I didn't have to fight to get inside my own heart. It's come to the point where I'd rather sit back and not think.

But, there's a strange peacefulness. A quiet in my heart. My God has taken my insecurities and turned them around, so that I can find safety in him.
I'll admit, I am scared. The future seems so uncertain. I don't know what's going to happen or when, and I'll admit, it's sublime. Beautiful and Terrible. It fills me with wonder and scares me to death.

At times like these I remember Proverbs 31:25,

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future."

My good friends help me with this. I can laugh without fear of the future because my future is secured. Whatever happens will happen for the best.



I'm fine.
God is good.
It is well with my soul.
There is nothing new under the sun.

~ Breath Deep, Listen Close ~

Ah, spring. It went "there and back again." I never truly enjoyed spring, except for the Bradford Pear trees. But, I think that after that incredibly long winter, I am happy that it's back. Spring (to me anyway) was always sort of a bleak time of year: faded pastel colors and a light, baby blue sky, with white and yellow flowers everywhere. Ew.



I do have to say though, this year has been a bit different so far. I've missed having the windows down. I've missed breathing the fresh, chill air that I swear comes straight off the mountains down to our town. It's a season of life. It's a season of making new memories, whereas my winter was spent reflecting on the old ones.



The leaves are finally back on the trees, so breathe deep. Listen closely.



I have this little "tradition" I started at age 10 or 11. Every year on the 17th of March, I go out and take pictures of all the flowers, just because. These are the pictures from yesterday.

It feels fresh and new. It feels right, like this is New Year's Day, and January first was really an extra month of last year. February happened. March cleans the slate.

I don't know how to transition from that into a Psalm I want to share, so I'm just going to type it up anyway.

Psalm 69: 34-36
Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and everything that moves in them. For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of his servants shall inherit it, and those who love his name shall dwell in it.

And that comes after the beginning of Psalm 69, which is the Psalmist crying out to God for help, asking him to show himself again so that he could build his faith. "For the waters have come up to my neck," he says in desperation. How inspiring are the last few verses, right?

Anyway.

~ Turning Back & Looking On ~

Hey.
I've been aware lately of just how epic my friends are. I cannot tell you guys how incredibly thankful I am for all of you. We've had some good times. But you know, the best is yet to come.

I've been super reflective lately of past times, what they meant, and how they felt. But, it's the moment at hand that I should be thinking of, not what has passed.

The other night, Ryan came in my room and slept in my bed for a while. I read Harry Potter to him. I realized how big he's gotten. I recognized his cute little interjections about the story and all of the "what if this happened" ideas. Oh, I want so badly for him to stay 7 years old forever, but he's already 8, and the days fly past faster than I can get all my work done. I feel like there's not enough time in the day for me to get everything done. And yet here I sit, writing a blog post with a paragraph in a reflection paper left and dinner to help prepare. I want to pray for more moments like that with Ryan. I'll be gone all day tomorrow; I swear I will never understand how public-schoolers manage. ;)



But, there's a purpose things are how they are, and you know how it is. :) I want to let go and live the life laid before me with dignity and strength, and laugh without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25).

So that's it then.



It's all part of the plan.