~ 2012 ~

Here's a short summary of 2012:
One picture from each month.
Top 10 albums of 2012.
Top 10 songs.

January

February I turned 15

March

April

May The month I left my life and went to the beach.

June

July

August The month of the best Advance ever.

September

October

November

December

What a year.

Top 10 albums of 2012 in no particular order(in my opinion):

Mylo Xyloto - Coldplay
The Midsummer Station - Owl City
All Things Bright and Beautiful - Owl City
Red - Taylor Swift
Night Visions - Imagine Dragons
The Hunger Games Soundtrack - Lionsgate
The Albatross EP - Port Blue
Rock What You Got - Superchick
The Struggle - Tenth Avenue North
Eye On It - TobyMac

Top 10 Songs of 2012 in no particular order (in my opinion):

Stand in the Rain - Superchick
Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
Red - Taylor Swift
Someone Like You - Adele
When Can I See You Again? - Owl City
Somebody That I Used to Know - Walk off the Earth
Paradise - Coldplay
We Are Young - Fun.
Some Nights - Fun.
Set Fire to the Rain - Adele

This year has been so amazing. So many inside jokes have been shared. I could go on forever about this year, and how awesome it's been, but you've probably experienced it just like I have.

Thanks for being there friends, you guys are the best.

~ He is Near ~

My family and I watch "The Nativity Story" before Christmas each year, much like any other family of the Christian faith. However, this year I watched it with a new understanding I think. I felt like I understood Mary on a deeper level. How must it feel to be chosen by God? She was an average teenager. Not average as in today's world, but in her world. She had feelings too. She thought and had her own personality. I felt like I knew her. Also, in the first part, when Zechariah - the father of John the Baptist - heard God's voice in the temple, I got a chill. What must it feel like to hear the voice of God? It made me realize, God is not far from us. He is close enough for us to hear his voice, and see his hand. I always seemed to view God as someone out of my reach (as in, so far away I had to pray to talk to him) or something I could not get to. Yes he lives within me, and yes, I see him move, but I never truly have felt so close to him. I know this is a stupid simile, but I want to use it; I viewed God (and I would not have admitted this at the time) like a distant relative, who I would write (pray) to when I needed something, and not when I didn't. But my eyes have been opened once more; God is not a "distant relation," but a constant, holy, sympathetic king, who stands beside me in battle, who stands me up on my feet, and who leads me in the way I must go.
He is near to us.

Matthew 1: 22b - 23:

"All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and they shall call his name Immanuel”(which means, God with us)."

Merry Christmas.

~ Memories ~

Ah, Christmas time. Every year it makes me think of the past. This year I've thought about last year, and how epic last Christmas really was. We laughed, we cried, we danced, we ate some pretty great food...it was awesome. I wasn't worried about finals. I didn't have trouble fitting my Bible reading into my schedule (when really, it should come first). But I was also oblivious. My choices and actions would result in something whether I liked it or not, and that something has been this year. This past year has been one of the best years of my life, and also one of the hardest. I guess, rather than best or worst, I should label them fullest or emptiest. 2012 is definitely my very fullest year yet. It seems like everything happened. I really can't list all the things that have gone on this year, but it sure has been a lot. For one thing, I've made some pretty awesome friends, but I lost a few of them, too. Losing them was hard, but gaining new friends was better.

I look back through old text messages and old gmail chats and see the evidence of long internet video hangouts, I listen to my playlist named "January of Last Year," I see pictures and faces and people who used to mean something to me, and I can't help but feel that atmosphere from last year.

I'm sad it's gone, but I'm glad it's over, and that's all I can say about that.

~ Being Filled with Joy: Part 2 ~

I was reading in 1 Peter today and I remembered a post I put up on this blog over a year ago about being Holy. I remember - my school book asked the question: "Do you think much about being Holy? Why or why not?" I said not much, because my salvation is assured.

It's been a year since then, and I may have changed my mind.
Now I know of course that my salvation is assured in Jesus, but I never thought I was called to be Holy.

1 Peter 1:13 - 16
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy.""

1 Peter 1:22 - 25
"Having purified your soul by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for
"All flesh is like grass
and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers,
and the flower falls,
but the word of the Lord remains forever.""

You know what else fills me with joy? Forever.
Forever is such a funny word. It promises so much, but it never seems to deliver. After all, nothing lasts forever. Except, apparently, the word of the Lord. :)

We will be in heaven forever. That's a long time. I remember feeling the best I've ever felt on this planet, and that was when I was out flying across the ocean on a tiny boat. I felt God there. But, it didn't last forever. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of it again when I really get into the worship at church or get super-encouraged from my Bible reading, but it never lasts.

In heaven it will. It will last forever there. I won't have to be on a boat in the ocean to feel it again, I'll feel it all the time!

And you know the best part?

It will be a million times better.

Right now I can't think of anything that could possibly be better, but it will be.

(More from 1 Peter 1 for ya) (Man, I cannot quote enough from this book) ;)

1 Peter 1:3 - 8
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

If I could just ask for some prayer:
My grandma's cancer scan came back, and the news is not good. Most of you guys are in my caregroup, so you heard the lowdown on that. I'll briefly sum up:
If this next treatment (next week) fails, we're looking at 2 weeks - 3 months left with her, so please pray that the treatment works and that our time will be indefinite again.
Also, my Mom has gotten pretty sick these past couple days, and she's going to the doctor today. I've really fallen behind in school trying to take care of her and give her time with grandma, so please pray that we'll get well and I'll catch up.
(This blog post was part of my devotion today) :)

Thanks guys, it really means a lot to me.

~ Psalms & Pictures ~

Psalm 63: 1-3 -

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you."

Steadfast love, better than life?

Oh yes. By far. The best thing of this world that we can know is life. It's hard to wrap the mind around something better, because it's all we know. We go to school to study life. We have things to help us enjoy life. The different people I hang out with contribute in different ways to my life.

There is a power, a glory, a steadfast love, better than life.

Psalm 125: 1-2

"Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, from this time forth and forevermore."

Psalm 120: 1 -

"In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me."

Isn't that enough? He answers me in my distress. Every day.

Just some Psalms and bird pictures. You know how it is. :)

~ I am a Branch on His Vine ~

I have at least 13 pages of notes from this past weekend. It was absolutely amazing to have Jerry Bridges visit our church himself recently, and so, so, so encouraging. I think that God used this weekend to grow me up a little more in Himself.

He is the vine...I am a branch...
This is my identity. This is who I am. There is nothing else to say. Without Him, I am nothing.

I have come to some nice conclusions after everything I've heard this week.

1. I always understood that I have been given a "small piece" of Jesus's blood and righteousness. Even a molecule of His blood could atone for all my sin, and I got that part right. However, it's the first part I've been wrong about. I have not been given a "small piece" of Jesus's blood, or righteousness, but an immeasurable amount! Not "just enough" to atone for me, but enough to atone for the whole wide world! For me! For...me. I have been given not just a small piece of the clothing of Jesus, which would be more than enough for everything, but I have been given every article of clothing in an immeasurable multitude. More than I will ever need. Thank God for that.

2. I am not and never, ever will be worthy of even the "small piece." This thought has struck me and made me open my eyes to the bigger portion that I've been given. All my sin, all of it, mind you (which is a very, very great amount), could not even make a dent in His perfect holiness, which has been transferred to me. I have received it! All of it. Such a gift as this I can't even put into words.

3. These truths make me want to love my neighbors and enemies better, like Jesus did. None of us have ever gone a single day perfectly loving our neighbors or enemies. We are simply incapable of doing so in our sinful nature. However, Jesus did. Jesus lived a perfect life, and therefore never thought one evil thought against anyone, even the ones who hung Him on a cross, spit on Him, and sinned against Him like I do. It hurts me to no end to know what I've done to Him, but the grace that he's given me clears my heart clean. He never knew hate, even against me, who deserves it so much.

4. Not any righteousness of mine, obtained through the law, of which I have none, but through the righteousness given to me by Jesus through His death on the cross, can I come before an infinitely Holy God. I have been justified! I can run to the feet of my God, lift up my arms, and say "Abba, Father!" I have the freedom to have the mindset of a child when it comes to dependence on my God. I haven't really had this view of God before, as my father. I mean, I know God is my father, but I hadn't thought of it the way Mr. Bridges put it before. I am His child. I can run to Him, and I never have to try alone. Unlike the life of a child with his human father, the Heavenly Father never has to let you fly the nest and try on your own. He'll never leave you, nor forsake you. You'll never be completely alone, and isn't that a wonderful thought? It's nice to get away from the world and be alone in that sense, but it would literally be hell to be alone without God.

5. Thank goodness the old me has passed away! The me who worshiped friendships, the me who would've died to be loved by anyone or anything,the me who had an ignored conscience. The voices that held me back were rarely heeded. Thank God I am saved from that now! Of course, I still have struggles, but the struggles are a joy when I know they'll be over one day, and then what will they matter? They won't matter then. Of course I am still a sinner, and still have that mindset, but the difference is that I am saved and convicted and new and changed. I am different. I am a saint. Quite an undeserving one, but still a saint. I have been bought with a price.

Titus 2:11-14 - "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his possession who are zealous for good works."

Thanks guys. :)

~ Good Friends ~

What a blessing they are. :)

^That one is blurry, but I could not leave it out. It's too epic.

^ We do some crazy stuff together. ;)

....You guys are the best. :)

~ Kendall

~ Thoughts on Tears ~

Some days, we just need a good cry. My wonderful Literature teacher was talking to us about that just yesterday, and I wondered when the last time I actually cried was.
I cry for feelings, and almost never for pain. Yes, I'll get cuts and scrapes from time to time, but tears almost never come for those times. Even when I do feel something that would make me cry, I suppress the tears as hard as I can, and I don't really know why.
When I got home yesterday, I looked back in my journal and saw that all my recent entries have been short and shallow, mostly just because my thoughts have not been collected enough to write anything other than school recently. I wrote a few pages in that book last night, and I cried. Like, hard. Because I wanted to, that's why. It felt good to get that out of my system and make up my mind about an issue I have been thinking over for a while. God had me cry, and I actually was (believe it or not) encouraged! I felt so wonderful after all of that was done, and this morning feels fresh and new. This past week has been really crazy, and I would like more than anything to just get away from everything for a few days. But, that's not where I am right now, and so it goes on.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

(That's a very popular quote with me and some of my friends, we like it.) :)

Thanks for listening to all my randomness. :)


"Am I not free? Am I not an apostle? Have I not seen Jesus our Lord? Are you not my workmanship in the Lord? If to others I am not an apostle, at least I am to you, for you are the seal of my apostleship in the Lord. This is my defense to those who would examine me." - 1 Corinthians 9:1-3

~ A Beautiful Mystery ~

The Gospel - Defined by me:
An amazing feat of impossibility, created by God for Himself, to seek and save the ones He created who lost themselves into the temptation of the sinfulness of the world. An act of mercy, grace, and incredible love towards those undeserving, selfish, sinful people who are in every corner of the earth. Choosing to humble oneself, one receives this incredible thing, accomplished by one God, by one Man also, for the forgiveness of one's sins. This Gospel, this truth, this saving grace, changes you forever. Inner-joy springs from inside you once you feel the hand of God touch your heart and call you away from every worldly thing. ONLY THROUGH THE BLOOD OF ONE PERFECT MAN WHO WAS ALSO GOD ARE WE SAVED.

Romans 5:18-19 -- "Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's [Adam's] disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's [Jesus's] obedience the many will be made righteous."

Only through Jesus's perfect obedience are we made righteous. The book of Romans is wonderful. Seriously, I've been reading through it, and it's so amazing! It's written to Christians, so even though it was written hundreds of years ago, it applies to our everyday lives.

I closed my eyes and felt a physical touch on my heart that night. After hearing Craig (at least I think it was Craig...it's all a blur) speak about the Gospel, I had acknowledged in my heart that I probably was not a Christian. Yeah, I believed the stories. Yeah, I thought Jesus was a real person. But did I believe that Jesus really died that gruesome of a death? Did people really do that back then? Was Jesus really God's son, and if so how on earth would his death atone for my sin? Did I really think that Jesus had blotted out all my sin? Was that even really necessary? Did I really need a savior? Questions ran through my mind all the time, but I ignored them. That is, until this night. It was a while ago, and I remember the only reason I went to Advance that year was to hang out with all my new friends, but God changed me that night. I felt Him, in my heart... I had a lump in my throat, a knot in my chest, and tears in my eyes, but I felt Him, none-the-less. Once I had that peace in my heart, once that joy rose throughout me, I promised myself that I would never, ever doubt again. How could I doubt something so real?

And, (thanks be to God) I haven't doubted for years. But lately, I have caught myself looking at evidence. I would choose not to, and to just believe, but my school and my schedule requires me to evaluate for myself, and I've seen more than I'd like too of the world's view on creation, evolution, and the fact that we can't see God. They state that without evidence, our religion is nothing.

I have had to make myself think about these things, and forced myself more than once to remember my promise to myself, and that feeling that I had years ago. That was real. That is all the evidence I need. I also look to the Bible, and find so much wisdom, so much wonderful teaching there. No text-book of mine tells the story of my salvation. No history book can save my life, or rather, raise me from the dead. I was so dead. I had absolutely no chance of survival, because I came into this world dead. My breaths and words and thoughts and actions were skin deep. I was not alive in my soul, my heart did not know what it meant to beat with life. I see so many around me who do not know what it is to live. How can they know? They have rejected life, or no one has ever told them that they indeed are dead.

I love, in John 3:8, when Jesus says, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

That's the mystery, then. We feel it. Some people say "If you can't see, hear, or feel something, it doesn't exist." Yet, the wind whispers every night to us. Feeling the wind rush over you is no different than feeling our God work in our hearts. As for seeing, I see God's work everyday. From the time I get up, to the time I go to sleep. I'm living in it. Most would argue, and ask for evidence, some proof of what I say, but I say "open your eyes! Look around you! This is no accident!" It cannot be an accident, there is too much...evidence.

I hate that word, "evidence." It demands proof. It takes away the wonderful mystery of God. There is no mystery in evidence. We will never understand fully the things of God, it is impossible. His plans are to Holy even for Angels, who are in every way above us.

Deuteronomy 29:29 (another one of my personal favorites): "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law."

Such a mystery.

In Matthew, when Jesus is teaching, he says, "You will indeed hear but never understand, and you will indeed see but never perceive. For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it."

Jesus then proceeds to tell them parables, which I love. He speaks in parables! So that they might understand! The things of God, His teachings, are too wonderful for us to comprehend, so Jesus translates it into what we can understand, and even then it blows our minds. It's x1000 better than Aesop's Fables, which are still pretty good. In Jesus's words are the secrets of the universe, given to us. How can we close our Bibles? How can we hold inside all which needs to be shouted from mountain-tops? Why, when I feel like I need to share the gospel with someone, do I back down? Is that not my entire purpose in life? Am I not called as a Christian to spread the news? Oh, fear of man, you hold me back! If I could only let you go, nothing should stop me. Oh, stupid brain, can you not feel what's in my heart? I cry in my soul when I think about that one person in particular that I still have not approached with the gospel. Am I really being their friend by keeping the secret of life away from them? No. I am not loving them well. And what's the worst, rejection? If God is truly calling them, they cannot reject him forever, and that is encouraging. Also, it is not my words that take effect on their soul, only God can do that. So my heart is lifted.

And so, I leave you with this; I want to believe in a mystery, know it's true, and never question it. The stillness, the quietness of knowing what's real even if the whole world is not, is worth everything. What I feel when I encounter God is not of this world, not by any means. So even if my entire life is a lie, even when walls that I've built come crashing down, even when I get rejected or friends leave me or everything else fails, I know that God will not. I know that He will never fall. I know that I am safe, and that He is in control.

I'm living out a perfect plan, and that's all I need to know.

~ Kendall