~ A Beautiful Mystery ~

The Gospel - Defined by me:
An amazing feat of impossibility, created by God for Himself, to seek and save the ones He created who lost themselves into the temptation of the sinfulness of the world. An act of mercy, grace, and incredible love towards those undeserving, selfish, sinful people who are in every corner of the earth. Choosing to humble oneself, one receives this incredible thing, accomplished by one God, by one Man also, for the forgiveness of one's sins. This Gospel, this truth, this saving grace, changes you forever. Inner-joy springs from inside you once you feel the hand of God touch your heart and call you away from every worldly thing. ONLY THROUGH THE BLOOD OF ONE PERFECT MAN WHO WAS ALSO GOD ARE WE SAVED.

Romans 5:18-19 -- "Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's [Adam's] disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's [Jesus's] obedience the many will be made righteous."

Only through Jesus's perfect obedience are we made righteous. The book of Romans is wonderful. Seriously, I've been reading through it, and it's so amazing! It's written to Christians, so even though it was written hundreds of years ago, it applies to our everyday lives.

I closed my eyes and felt a physical touch on my heart that night. After hearing Craig (at least I think it was Craig...it's all a blur) speak about the Gospel, I had acknowledged in my heart that I probably was not a Christian. Yeah, I believed the stories. Yeah, I thought Jesus was a real person. But did I believe that Jesus really died that gruesome of a death? Did people really do that back then? Was Jesus really God's son, and if so how on earth would his death atone for my sin? Did I really think that Jesus had blotted out all my sin? Was that even really necessary? Did I really need a savior? Questions ran through my mind all the time, but I ignored them. That is, until this night. It was a while ago, and I remember the only reason I went to Advance that year was to hang out with all my new friends, but God changed me that night. I felt Him, in my heart... I had a lump in my throat, a knot in my chest, and tears in my eyes, but I felt Him, none-the-less. Once I had that peace in my heart, once that joy rose throughout me, I promised myself that I would never, ever doubt again. How could I doubt something so real?

And, (thanks be to God) I haven't doubted for years. But lately, I have caught myself looking at evidence. I would choose not to, and to just believe, but my school and my schedule requires me to evaluate for myself, and I've seen more than I'd like too of the world's view on creation, evolution, and the fact that we can't see God. They state that without evidence, our religion is nothing.

I have had to make myself think about these things, and forced myself more than once to remember my promise to myself, and that feeling that I had years ago. That was real. That is all the evidence I need. I also look to the Bible, and find so much wisdom, so much wonderful teaching there. No text-book of mine tells the story of my salvation. No history book can save my life, or rather, raise me from the dead. I was so dead. I had absolutely no chance of survival, because I came into this world dead. My breaths and words and thoughts and actions were skin deep. I was not alive in my soul, my heart did not know what it meant to beat with life. I see so many around me who do not know what it is to live. How can they know? They have rejected life, or no one has ever told them that they indeed are dead.

I love, in John 3:8, when Jesus says, "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

That's the mystery, then. We feel it. Some people say "If you can't see, hear, or feel something, it doesn't exist." Yet, the wind whispers every night to us. Feeling the wind rush over you is no different than feeling our God work in our hearts. As for seeing, I see God's work everyday. From the time I get up, to the time I go to sleep. I'm living in it. Most would argue, and ask for evidence, some proof of what I say, but I say "open your eyes! Look around you! This is no accident!" It cannot be an accident, there is too much...evidence.

I hate that word, "evidence." It demands proof. It takes away the wonderful mystery of God. There is no mystery in evidence. We will never understand fully the things of God, it is impossible. His plans are to Holy even for Angels, who are in every way above us.

Deuteronomy 29:29 (another one of my personal favorites): "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law."

Such a mystery.

In Matthew, when Jesus is teaching, he says, "You will indeed hear but never understand, and you will indeed see but never perceive. For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it."

Jesus then proceeds to tell them parables, which I love. He speaks in parables! So that they might understand! The things of God, His teachings, are too wonderful for us to comprehend, so Jesus translates it into what we can understand, and even then it blows our minds. It's x1000 better than Aesop's Fables, which are still pretty good. In Jesus's words are the secrets of the universe, given to us. How can we close our Bibles? How can we hold inside all which needs to be shouted from mountain-tops? Why, when I feel like I need to share the gospel with someone, do I back down? Is that not my entire purpose in life? Am I not called as a Christian to spread the news? Oh, fear of man, you hold me back! If I could only let you go, nothing should stop me. Oh, stupid brain, can you not feel what's in my heart? I cry in my soul when I think about that one person in particular that I still have not approached with the gospel. Am I really being their friend by keeping the secret of life away from them? No. I am not loving them well. And what's the worst, rejection? If God is truly calling them, they cannot reject him forever, and that is encouraging. Also, it is not my words that take effect on their soul, only God can do that. So my heart is lifted.

And so, I leave you with this; I want to believe in a mystery, know it's true, and never question it. The stillness, the quietness of knowing what's real even if the whole world is not, is worth everything. What I feel when I encounter God is not of this world, not by any means. So even if my entire life is a lie, even when walls that I've built come crashing down, even when I get rejected or friends leave me or everything else fails, I know that God will not. I know that He will never fall. I know that I am safe, and that He is in control.

I'm living out a perfect plan, and that's all I need to know.

~ Kendall

~ Calmed and Quieted in My Soul ~

This Psalm explains exactly how I've been feeling lately:

Psalm 131 - "O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore."

I've wondered often in recent days: Is this right? Is what I'm feeling contentment, or is it a lack of desire? No. Not a lack of desire, but a quieted heart. A calm within my soul. These days...these young days, are so precious to me. I am not struggling in my faith, I am not doubting myself or my salvation. I am completely trusting in God for everything. I'm not worried about tomorrow; it can worry about itself! I need prayer. I always, always need prayer. But, this peace... this time of rest and calm and quiet...I never want it to leave. And I'm coming to the realization that this joy doesn't depend on rainy mornings, warm tea, or how much work I have to do, but it does depend on God, and the absurd amount of grace I have received, and how that's what keeps me going. His grace gives me breath, it gives me life, it gives me hope, and it gives me this quieted heart. This time in my life is wonderful, and I could list for hours on end the things I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for friends who are always so filled with joy and ready to encourage me, (yes, that means you guys). I don't always have that crazy, bubbly, super-joyful personality that I know some do, and that's just not where God has me right now. I love how He has me right where I need to be right when I need the most to be there.

So, I'm here now.

~ Kendall

~ Faith Like Little Ones Have ~

Mark 9:35-37 - "And he [Jesus] sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, "If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all." And he took a child and put him in the midst of them, and taking him in his arms, he said to them, "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me.""

I want forever to be a little one; a child that Jesus scoops up in his arms and speaks to. I want a heart full of faith in what I believe in. Children will believe anything, honestly. But, to know deep inside that's it's real, that it's true, is something it takes true faith to believe in. So many people I've met don't understand. They don't believe it, and they oppose it. Sometimes to the point to where I don't know what to say anymore. These people oppose it so hard. They will not believe it. Even if their way they know is wrong. But, the fact that they oppose it so hard only means that it's something worth opposing, something they don't understand. I want them to understand, and I want them in heaven with me one day. I want to see their eyes light up when it finally clicks that it's not a joke, that it's real and true and pure and necessary; that they're sinners who cannot ever repay what they've done against God. That's the moment every Christian has gone through, and that's the moment they want everyone else to experience.

In Acts 19:8-10, it says, "And he [Paul] entered the synagogue and for three months spoke boldly, reasoning and persuading them about the kingdom of God. But when some became stubborn and continued in unbelief, speaking evil of the Way before the congregation, he withdrew form them and took the disciples with him, reasoning daily in the hall of Tyrannus. This continued for two years, so that all the residents of Asia heard the word of the Lord, both Jews and Greeks."

So there will always be stubborn people, but it is up to God who hears and who rejects. One day every knee will bow, and every tongue proclaim.

I love this so much: it's "The Conversion of Lydia" in Acts 16.

(Acts 16:13-15) "And on the Sabbath day we went outside the gate to the riverside, where we supposed there was a place of prayer, and we sat down and spoke to the women who had come together. One who heard us was a woman named Lydia, from the city of Thyartira, a seller of purple goods, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul. And after she was baptized, and her household as well, she urged us, saying, "If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house and stay." And she prevailed upon us."

And so I leave you with verse 14b: "The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul."

Paul's words didn't open her heart, just like your words and my words can't open hearts, but God can. So pray for that. I will too.

~ Welcome Fall ~

I absolutely love the Fall. The cool weather, the blue sky, the smell of a world of crunchy leaves and white clouds. I thought my life would end when the summer ended, honestly. I could not comprehend going back to school after being so long away from it. But then, I remembered that Autumn came next, and that made it hurt less to let go of the summer of 2012, perhaps the greatest summer of all time. So many wonderful memories...and the best is yet to come!

~ Kendall

~ Dwelling on Luke:19 ~

For school, I sometimes get to study the Bible. Honestly, I'd fallen a little behind in this subject because of all the other subjects I have to work on. Math, Literature, History...you get the picture. But today, I made my Bible reading a priority above other things, and I can't believe that anything else could've come before it now. My eyes have been opened again: Life is too short for this. My entire day, my every day, my entire life should be devoted to studying one subject:

God and His word.

Everything else seems so bleak now. Wisdom unlike any other resides in the Bible. I've heard Bible stories, oh lots of them! Hundreds of times repeated to me from Sunday School teachers, Parents and Grandparents, in children's books and in movies. But, there is something different about reading them straight from the Bible. Their truth feels stronger. When I read about Zaccheaus, I no longer think of "a wee little man," but someone like me, who was interested in this Jesus person, but he couldn't see for the crowd, so he improvised. And then, Jesus talked to him!! 'He's speaking to me' I can hear him say. What an insane feeling Zaccheaus must've had when Jesus spoke directly to him; a dirty tax collector who ripped people off! How unworthy and undeserving he must've felt. I know he felt this way, because in Luke 19:8 it says:

"And Zaccheaus stood and said to the Lord, "Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold."

He was so changed, that he gave everything back. Fourfold. And then, in verses 9-10:

"And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."

Verse 10 is definitely up there with my favorites. To seek and save the lost...

So lost... Even after being found, the memories of being lost don't leave us. I been thinking a lot about memories lately. How they cause feelings.

Did you know, that it is impossible to remember something without having a feeling attached to it.

It makes you either happy, sad, angry, or maybe you can't even name the feeling it gave you, but every memory has an atmosphere around it. I think in heaven, we won't forget our time on earth, but it won't make us sad, or angry, or upset because of how sinful we were, but it will make us extremely happy because that was the time period, the atmosphere, in which we heard about the saving love of our God.

If we forget something, what is it really?

Worthless? Take physical pain, for instance. We feel it, it's over. The memory of how it was keeps us from doing it again, but it isn't present with us. If we don't remember it though, then it's like it never happened. It can't hurt us, but it can't keep us from doing it again either. Now imagine a world where we cannot sin, we cannot get hurt, there are no tears, and no sadness. Then, we could have the freedom to forget, and it leaves only the good times, and the redeeming parts of what was.

How wonderful is that?!

I know it's deep, and I'm laughing because it probably makes no sense, but it's what I think.

Bottom line:
Jesus saved me, and now I'm free to be free.

~ Kendall